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Monday morning headlines: Week 1

By: Michael Dunham

LenDale White will stomp on the terrible towel, but Steelers will stomp on him. Running backs score more than anyone else and it is inevitable that the Titans will get down on the goal line, put in LenDale, and he scores and stomps all over a terrible towel.  Unfortunately for LenDale, Troy Polamalu and his flowing locks won’t appreciate it very much and will stomp all over LenDale and the rest of the Titans offense.  Steelers take the opener 17-7.

Minnesota wins Favre’s Viking debut, no thanks to Favre. Minnesota will win this Sunday, but its not because Brett Favre is a spectacular quarterback, it’s because Cleveland is terrible.  All those people putting Minnesota in the great team category just because they have Favre need to realize: Its not the Favre that Minnesota lost to all the time back in the Green Bay days, he’s old, he has a torn bicep, HE DOESN’T EVEN THINK HE CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THE WHOLE SEASON. Minnesota will win its first 3 then spiral down, quickly, and for Favre, painfully.  Vikings 21 – Browns 10.

Lions loose…shocker. The Lions will be leaps and bounds better than they were last year (winning one game would be leaps and bounds better than last year) but they will still be a terrible team in the bottom 5 of the league.  Matthew Stafford will come to his own over the course of the season but he will struggle in his first NFL start.  Simply, Stafford does not have the targets or talent around him to waltz in and tear it up his first time out.  27-10 New Orleans over Detroit.

The Vick hype won’t mean anything until McNabb finds a way to lose his starting job. Just like Christmas comes every year (and the Eagle fans subsequently beat up Santa), so does that game where Donovan McNabb does not start, either because of injury or because he gets benched for a rookie quarterback out of the University of Houston.  When the inevitable happens it will be up to Vick to perform and dethrone the man responsible for him coming to Philadelphia.  Vick won’t be able to play until week 3 but even then it will only be 5-10 plays a game at most.  Carolina over Philly 27-20.

Cowboys will be 1-0 when they open their new stadium. Tampa Bay will be one of the worst teams in the NFL this year and the Cowboys will surprise some people and do better than expected.  The Cowboys, Buccaneers game will be like when teams like Florida or Texas play teams like Southeastern Missouri State.  The game will count on both teams records but for one (Dallas) it will be an extra preseason game and for the other (Tampa) it will be a chance to pull off that upset that defines their season.  Dallas 30 – Tampa -14.

Giants blow out Washington in search of becoming repeat NFC East Champions. The NFC East is by far the most talented and difficult division in the NFL.  That being said, the Giants are much better than the Redskins.  Watching Jason Campbell pull himself off of the turf will just get boring by the end of the game because he will have done it so many times.  The Giants offense won’t be as good as in previous years but will have no problem moving the ball against Washington.  Giants defeat the Skins 17-3.

Green Bay starts run to NFC North title by beating Chicago in division bout. Green Bay and Chicago will be the two best teams in the NFC North with the Vikings underachieving and the Lions going 2-14.  The game will come down to the wire but the cheeseheads will take it in a nail biter.   Packers over ‘da bears’ 21-20.

San Diego vs. Oakland get lowest Nielsen Rating in Monday Night Football history. Seriously, who is going to want to watch this game?  Two smaller market, West coast teams playing a game that does not start until 10:15 on the East coast.  Outside of the maybe 1/4 of California residents who watch this, America won’t even know that a football game is going on.  Poor game decisions like this are part of the reason Sunday Night Football is taking over what Monday Night Football used to be.  Just like Shawne Merriman’s first game back after his steroid suspension, he will go out and get an insane amount of sacks but then disappear for the rest of the season. San Diego will win 24-7 in a game that will cost ESPN thousands.

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Jerry World Revealed: All about the new Cowboys Stadium

Categories: Football, Sports

Jerry World Revealed: All about the new Cowboys Stadium

by: Michael Dunham

“The eight wonder of the world”, “Jerry World”, “Six Flags over Jerry”, “Jones Mahal”

These ridiculous nicknames have all been used to describe the new Cowboys stadium, but after actually seeing the stadium those names not only do not sound ridiculous but might even be understatements.

As you pull up to this spectacle like no other, it looks as if a massive space ship has landed in right in the middle of the city.  The giant structural beams (the largest in the world) and the two way glass that lights up at night are only fractions of some of the amazing things that make up this building.

Walking into the stadium it looks like you are walking into a five star hotel, or better yet, a palace.  You then must go through the enourmous two story Cowboy Pro Shop, that has almost everything you can fit a Cowboys logo onto in it, to get up to the main part of the stadium and the giant mezzanine concourses.

How big are these huge mezzanine concourses you ask?  9 acres, thats how big.  Big enough that owner Jerry Jones plans on selling up to 35,000 “party passes”, which allow you entrance to the game but limit you to concourse access only.  These party passes are on sale and only cost $29 for anyone who might be interested.

Once you make your way to your seat on one of the four different levels, you can sit down and feast your eyes on the massive 70 yard long HD JumboTron (The largest HDTV in the world).  Just in case you were wondering, thats 600 tons of television hanging over the field.

If you get bored of the jumbotron, which is highly unlikely to happen, you can look up at the enormous retractable roof (yet again, the biggest in the world).  If its closed and you want it open, I can call up my boy Jerry and he can have it open for you in 12 minutes, making it the fastest retractable roof in the world.

Once the game starts you might notice that their are boxed off patios right next to the field and those are in fact the field level suites.  They are actually lower than the field so your head will only be about 3-4 feet above the ground.  A field level suite ticket not only allows you access to your suite but also to the legends club where you will get to watch the players as they make their way to the field.

These suite tickets also allow access to the press conference viewing room, where fans can actually watch as all of the Stars get interviewed after the game, no pun intended.

The number of seats at each game will be dependent on how big the game is.  Each row of seats is hooked on to a single bar so that the Cowboy Stadium crew can easily slide seats closer together and add more seats to each row.  They will be able to fit up to 100,000 seats in the stadium when necessary.

For those of you who think Jerry is funding this $1.1 billion monument to everything Cowboys, your wrong.  It’s actually all you Cowboys fans, and anyone else planning to attend an event at the stadium.  How, you may ask.  First, you will have to pay for an insanely priced ticket to get in, and season ticket holders will have to pay a seat license fee of up to $50,000 per seat.  Then, if you plan on buying concessions, you can buy a pizza for $60 bucks, some nachos for $8.50, and a bottle of beer for the one time low price of $8.  Also, if your planning on driving to the game, parking will cost you at least 20 bucks and possibly more than 60.

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Categories: Football, Sports